One thing that I am working on for myself, is to not feel like I need to have a very very close friend. That is one thing that I have always wanted. I just want that one good very close friend. I am starting to wonder if maybe that is just not meant for me. And there is a reason why. I may not know the reason, ever. My choice is to keep living the life I am led to live.
I have good close friends, don’t get me wrong. I have some friends that are closer to me than my sister is, unfortunately that is mostly my sister’s choice. I know I can count on these friends for anything. I know they love the real me.
Most of those friends do not live near me though. So it’s mostly an online friendship, which can only stretch so far. I crave the day to day friendship. I want to have a friend that calls me when there’s trouble, when she needs to vent, when something good happens or just to talk and see what’s up. I want a friend that I can hang out with and visit.
But maybe, I am searching for that relationship too much. Maybe God wants my focus elsewhere.
So, as much as I want that, I am going to just move past it the best that I can. I don’t have it, haven’t had it since I was in high school and probably won’t ever have it. It’s just not meant to be for me.
There is another thing that I have learned this past year. The some of the friends that I had, and felt really close to, have been the ones that have let me down the most. That makes me really sad.
I don’t expect friends or friendships to be perfect. But I do expect complete honesty. In all of the let downs I’ve had this past year, I think all of them deals with someone not being honest with me.
I am going to keep my focus on Jesus and my family. Right where it needs to be. My friendships will not be mistreated. My inner thoughts and feelings won’t change their lives a bit. Things will be just the same as they are now.